Sunday, March 16, 2008
I Hurt
Everything I do feels like it requires a monstrous effort. The once simple act of getting out of bed or taking a shower has become nigh overwhelming. Typing sucks. Every second of my life is spent in pain. I do what I can to distract myself, but no matter what, I always hurt. My friends are great and we hang out and have fun, but even in midst of the action, I'm still in agony. I have pills, I talk to people, I see a phsychiatrist. I think I will hurt forever. Too much has happened, too much has been lost. I hurt.
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3 comments:
If you want to talk more of this pain I am listening.
I have read this post several times in the past few days, and I have been trying to leave a comment.
I find myself now knowing what to say.
Saying I have been there it gets better, seems like the thing to say, but it is also somehow useless, and maybe not entirely honest.
I have had long periods when as you describe, everything was a tremendous effort. Every ordinary activity that we have to do just for surviving, sleeping, eating, breathing...and the ones essential in a less basic level, like showering, leaving the house, talk to people, working, felt like an overwhelming burden.
Half of those would consume all my energy. As you I felt hopeless, couldn't see the end of it
But it does.
Things always change, you can count on that.
I still get times when I feel that way, it is not a quick or steady process to get better. But it is for sure a process, and it keeps going even when we don't notice it.
I can now tell myself when it happens that it will change, that it will get better again, that I have to processes what is that is happening to me at the time, and allow myself some time. I mean stop thinking today is the same as yesterday therefore everyday will feel the same.
I think every time it happens to me I have to re-find the balance between allowing myself to hurt, because sometimes it is required to grief for what we have lost, and shaking it and try to move on, which I also find necessary because hurting so much is so hard, so draining, that I can drawn on it.
Hope you can find some relief soon.
Keep reaching out.
Thanks a ton guys. Your support is really really great.
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